Pa-ree Holds The Key To Your Heart

So, long time no see.

When I went to Europe, I made this joke that it'd be November by the time I finish blogging about it, ahahahahahaahahahaha.

Oh dear.

But...instead of back posting to January where I can quasi pretend that I did the thing when the thing actually happened, I have decided to post it now now because a) I am going to Thailand at the end of this week and want to finish this bloody trip before I go, b) people laughed at me when I said I would finish it and I am nothing if not ridiculously proud and stubborn and c) this post is largely about the Charlie Hebdo attacks, and considering the recent attacks in Paris I thought it would be a creepy-poignant reflection on how terrorism affects a city.

(spoiler: it doesn't, not really, they refuse, they keep going – as John Oliver said, you're trying to take down French culture? Good fucking luck with that.)

But to start, something a bit lighter. And by "lighter" I mean nearly pissing ourselves laughing in a little brasserie in Le Quartier Latin, because they had menus in "English" i.e. the French version of those 'Engrish' things. 

Behold:

HELLO WAITER YES ONE SERVE OF SALAD PLUGS S'IL VOUS PLAIT.

SCRATCH THAT, SIR, I FIND MYSELF IN THE MOOD FOR PAVEMENT OF DUCK WIPES

What actually happened: poulet à la qch it is too late for me to remember what but it was freaking delicious.

It also meant it was "real" French food where the actual locals went. Top tip: if you're in a café and any of your fellow patrons is an American, you've fucked up. Go somewhere where no one, not even the English menus, speak English, you done good.

Anyway, walking:

Found: ridiculously good hot chocolate. 

Opera House!

Galleries Lafayette – just in time for some of the biggest sales for the year. 

So. Much. Goodness.

I got my own goodness! Bought me a Kate Spade I'd had my eyes on for a while. 

There was the night I caught up with Melissa who now lives in Paris. You may remember her from the "oh my god I made Finnish friends in Canada" edition of this blog.

Side note: this is the lovely lady who was just in Paris, heard gunshots and helped people running from the Bataclan Theatre.

After cocktails, there was just me walking by myself back to the apartment through damp, empty streets. A strange, invigorating experience.

The next morning was a Sunday where we smashed out some of the big touristy things. 

Bonjour encore une fois!

Douchy Eiffel butt shot. 

Mechanics of the lifts. 

Up the lift shaft - Lizzie had her eyes shut the whole time.

Tryin' out that zoom again. 

At the bottom...nutella crepe! Honestly the best I've ever had, can't even do them back home in Melbourne...(and believe me I've tried)

We then made out way across the city to see Sacre Cœur, and what we found was...a ghost town.

Paris was empty.

Today was the day the people of Paris – tens of thousands of people – marched in support of the victims of the Charlie Hebdo attacks, and of free speech, leaving the city almost completely devoid of human life.

A stark reminder of why the city is empty.

Sacre Cœur is beautiful inside, up there with the Church of Jesus Christ in Moscow...better get there and see it for yourself. 

Wasted some time in the shitty souvenir shops down the bottom of the hill...this time didn't get caught in a bracelet scam! That was nice. (I understand my blog doesn't go back far enough to my previous trips to Paris...so...a story for another day. Maybe).

Ah yes, my favourite city of romance, PAARIS. 

FLUFFY HAPPY EIFFEL TOWER, THO. 

Gale collects naff magnets and had waaaay too much to choose from.

Obviously can't have a blog post about Paris sans an image of the Metro entrance.

Or a baguette. 

Pit stop back home.

A walk to the Champs Elysées!

Another pit stop at Ladurée

...IS A BUSY STREET-AH

WE GET ALONG WITH EVERYONE WE MEET-AH. 

That's all folks. Always remember that the easiest and best way to destroy something is through indifference and mockery. Support and love each other, and mourn together. Don't give the pricks of the earth the attention and validation they so desperately want, be it via getting them trending on Twitter or revenge bombings. Give them nothing, because they are nothing.

This as been a PSA.